a realisation, in short.
Published 1 year, 9 months ago in My life.She battered her eyelashes with a vacant expression, slowly fingering the bobbing curls around her face. A piece of gum ballooned from her glossy pout, and when it popped she seemed surprised. Her eyes stood still and the space between her brows puckered; her head tilting slightly to the left.
Things like this always caught my eye. They made me consider the thoughts, or lack of, that could go through the minds of such people. I seemed to relate this girl to a puppy that had just heard a piercing noise; so innocently confused. Though, it made me irritated. I couldn’t relate. I didn’t want to relate. But, I was as confused about the link between her thoughts and actions as she seemed to be about the bubblegum.
I pondered over her. I created different possibilities to her life situations. Who was she? That didn’t really bother me. I was relying on my imagination. Somebody that seemed so shallow minded managed to issue me with such interest. And, it was because of the sole fact that I couldn’t relate to her.
I wondered what it would feel like to exist within a mind absent of racing thoughts about everything that passed you by. What was it like to be so ignorant, or so unaware? I had imagined it would be rather blissful in contrast.
I did not desire to be like her. The way she looked was tacky. But, I enjoyed examining her. She was predictable. She was simple. Right then, I needed to realise that not everything is complicated.
4 Responses to “a realisation, in short. ”
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That was written really well! Very interesting reading
please confess - is it you, or some1 u have observed.. more details pls
Loved this very much. Except for the first para, it held my interest. This doesnt happen that much as a rule.
The first para is what catches the readers attention, and if you are going for publication, the publishing editors.
In my opinion, it was a bit protracted, a bit too wordy.
With respect, here is how i might change it. I could be wrong, but then again..
She battered her eyelashes with a vacant expression, slowly fingering the bobbing curls around her face. A piece of gum ballooned from her glossy pout, and when it popped she seemed surprised. Her eyes stood still and the space between her brows puckered; her head tilting slightly to the left.
She battered her eyelashes, and maintained that vacant expression she was so famous for. The gum, which is constantly in her mouth seemed to pop almost on que. She may be blond, but she is very capable in getting attention.
Her eyes were motionless, and the space between her eyes puckered, as her head tilted slightly to the left. Was this also attention seekingg?
I think i am a frustrated editor, amongst other things. Hope you dont mind the suggestions.
theshadow
This is kinda spooky but…….
As a bloke in my early twenties I sat opposite such a girl on a train. Her hair was not bobbed but in sticky-out bangs on either side. She was chewing gum in the most disinterested and langourous way. She was young, 11 years or less, and yet I felt the most intense sexual arousement. Needless to say nothing happened. I was too surprised at my own feelings at the time to feel ashamed ( should I have ?). But the memory never left me.
I have never had any similar feelings before or since and I hope my sex life is typical of a healthy male adult. Perhaps for a moment I scratched the surface of what a paedophile feels - I’ll never know.
Shadow - the above may be true but I am willing to embellish?